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1. random dis connect

have you ever found 
yourself talking 
but not understanding what 
you were saying 
like it was all on autopilot 
like your skin is not your skin 
your lips were not yours 
this is my life.

2. Dwelling on Eternity

this is the last beginning 
I will not move 
forward from here 
draw the line, straight and perfect 
use the ink I bleed 
from my fingertips 
onto your skin 
into your head 
and out of your heart 
dig in and hold the line 
Retreat is not an option 
it's too late 
the light continues 
won't you stop and listen to me 
manipulate the king 
and move the queen 
Checkmate, I failed 
nothing I say will tell me the truth 
I lie to you every day 
but I refuse to see it myself 
timeless.

3. Bento Life

It's a life of tiny shards
Make it pretty 
Meat, rice, vegetables
Fish, sugar, spice
Everything - and nothing - is nice
The culmination inside another wistful dream 
Compartmentalized for a fleeting moment
Consumed like fire in a pit
Corrugated cardboard container
Sectioned off and in manageable pieces 
Been ready to walk the road for years
Should've turned left at that last fork
Coasting through the journey
Asking the wrong questions 
Getting the right answers
Every ounce of me bleeds: 'no'
The volume on the radio is at eleven 
You can't hear me anymore
I can't hear me anymore 
Lost in the maze of sharp corners,
Misspelled phrases, and flat tires
Eat the orange smile
And slog through
That's all I can do. 

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1. World Out There

I know there's a big world out there 
I'm just a girl with striped underwear 
I go to sleep every night 
creating lives I've never lived 
I talk myself down from the dullness of Life 
To comfort me with the idea that 
my brain is the only one to take my gripes 
no one wants me because I don't want them 
I do just fine on my own 
no one needs me like I need them
this is how the story goes.

2. sometimes i wonder

sometimes I wonder what it feels like 
to be an inanimate object 
do they dream when humans sleep 
do they Ponder Mysteries of the deep 
do they fall apart from a broken heart 
do they write poetry for monthly projects 
do their heads hurt from migraines 
do their legs throb from excruciating pain 
do the spider veins cause them to consider surgery 
do their eyeballs quirk in a moment of Whimsy 
sometimes I wonder what it feels like 
to be an inanimate object 
because sometimes I feel like I am.

3. Cool It Now

sleep to forget 
forget to sleep 
sleep to get 
square to sleep 
deep in dreams 
dreams aren't deep 
sleep to dream 
dreamless sleep

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1. Pale Orchid

happy people are sickening 
no one is ever that happy 
all the time 
it feels so good 
to be bad
fighting against the pure 
I let the rage Fester 
poisoning my conscience 
blistering pustules – The  Fear – infect my exterior 
it used to make me sad 
to do all the things that I have lost 
I have become hardened against the good 
in order to restore what was gained. 

2. Ayy…

a small of a soul 
a symphony of scrap 
a scoop of stupid 
a smattering of syrup 
a scorch of Sunshine 
a sash of silver 
a shell of a smile 
a slash of sadness 
a shape of a star 
a star of the sea 
a stroke of Sky 
a stab of snow 
a speck of a spot 
a spike of sentience 
a Sound of Silence 
A Song of Songs 
a science of Seduction 
a street of sex 
a Slither of a snake 
a shake of a seed 
a shingle of a side 
a source of skill 
a surface of spies 
a summit of semantics 
Association of science 
a saint of satisfaction 
a sweetness of sixty 
a slide of a scout 
a shed of skin 
a scuffle of a shot 
a side of Sorrow 
a snatch of Separation 
a slip of a spark 
a scene of strength 
Assured of Solitude.

3. The opposite of a kiss

the opposite of a kiss is the thing you'd rather Miss 
it's the cut in your skin when you think you're over him 
it's the hollow of memory when you can't let yourself be 
the opposite of a kiss is dreaming of another tryst 
so what you do when it's all a LIE 
look yourself in the mirror 
take a deep breath 
and kiss the fucker goodbye.

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Guilliean reads her self-penned poetry. Stream the episode below and read along with the author.

1. Zombi

not the Glamorous ghouls from the movies 
or the pending apocalypse from the books
but the ones who wear monkey suits 
plaster on a fake smile 
pretend they're not dead inside, like me 
I shall never forget the day 
that I lost all hope
say it out loud
cried like an anxious child
who lost their invisible friend 
red puffy eyes, sniffles like a cold 
not one kind word 
emotional roller coaster 
I wish they could all feel my pain 
the letdown of unpursued dreams
failing before trying 
unable to make the leap
too stubborn to try 
an easy way out, hard way in 
retreating to the melee within
sit there and judge me 
you don't know the battles - the scars - that have shaped me
the wars I have yet to fight
it's true what they say 
your greatest enemy is yourself.

2. Dance Even Though the World is Falling Down Around You

to bukowski and hard times

there's a part of me, deep inside, a bluebird perhaps 
that sways while the world Burns 
to a waltz that no one else can hear but me
in spite of all the terror and fear and anxiety in my world
 since the world is ending, I'm throwing the party 
Dance with Me 
Dance For You 
Dance, dance for three minutes, one side of the vinyl
some more of them if you do
 dance, even though the world is falling down around you 
cry those alligator tears from your brown eyes 
while the pain weeps from the soles of your feet 
the ones that keep you moving forward, never back
when shit goes down, more bounce
 I'm tired of relinquishing my power 
to an automated computer program
Who can eliminate me from the stack 
saying I'm not worth the time
 overqualified to live the life that I deserve 
life is cold but all I see is gold 
on the hour when the sun sets in the desert of my heart 
they say the good die young so I'll keep dancing 
there's nothing left to do now but Dance.

3. When the smile was genuine

when the smile was genuine 
collected all the discontent on my neck 
chop me up, defenestrate, agitate, lay in wait 
tuned into celebrate 
'twas a day late, dollar short
demonstrate the Demons Run 
when a good man goes to war 
them delta blues got nothing on me 
keep your head in the past of a life unlit 
diseased, knobby knees, if you please 
colored outside those blurred lines 
of who I thought I was supposed to be.

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